In Transit

There's something so private about public transportation. Two commuters can have so much history between them, like Isabel and Danny; so much of their relationship was spent on buses and subways and streetcars. When they find themselves on the same train two years after they break up, the memories come rushing back. Neither of them know what to do or how the other feels, and they're left wondering: can they catch another ride together, or have they missed their stop for good?

This Toronto-set novel is told in non-chronological order and follows the two characters' relationship through flashbacks. Think Emily Henry's People We Meet on Vacation meets the film 500 Days of Summer.

Download the first 20 pages by clicking the link below.

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Cover art by Ethan Esposo

The Process

The original pitch for In Transit was as follows: "the story of a relationship, not told in chronological order, as seen through vignettes of the couple’s times “in transit” (in cars, trains, buses, etc) - before, during, and after the relationship." The idea originally sprung in March 2020, with quite a different tone and style, modeled after Sally Rooney's Normal People.

After the novel was picked up for workshopping in the RTA School of Media class "First Draft Workshop" with Dr. Laurie Petrou, the tone shifted significantly with feedback from my professor and peers. For example, there was a suggestion to not put Isabel and Danny beside each other at the beginning, but instead spread them out to build the tension, which significantly changed the way in which the characters interacted with one another.

There was also a thought to write In Transit as a screenplay as opposed to a novel, but after writing the first five pages as a screenplay, I found that I valued the inner narration that prose provides.

Feedback from my peer editor, Paolina, and Dr. Laurie Petrou.

The first page of the original draft of In Transit, circa March 2020.

The scrapped screenplay version of In Transit.

There were a few challenges when it came to writing In Transit. The first was to ensure that the narrative did not favour Isabel nor Danny too strongly, and instead had them both appear likable or at least sympathetic. This was a challenge especially for Danny's character, because I as a writer have not had much experience writing from the point of view of a male character. However, I took feedback from male proofreaders who were able to add feedback and made sure that Danny had a stronger personality and motivation in later drafts.

Another challenge was making sure that the readers were not confused by the flashback-style retellings of Isabel and Danny's relationship. Originally, chapters had headings that indicated the timeline, but I instead opted for a more subtle way of shifting time by not sectioning off entire chapters for flashbacks, and instead having the characters, who live in the present tense, reflect on those past moments in the past tense. The subtlety was a little confusing initially, so I took my time to comb through the text with a focus on my use of tense, and was able to make that distinction clear. In addition, I ensured that the characters' thoughts and narration in the flashbacks were less sophisticated, to show not only how they've aged, but also how they've grown.

Through solving these challenges, I was able to maintain the essence of the story and my "dreamy" style of writing without compromising character or clarity, which resulted in a stronger story.